Islamabad, Pakistan. In a unilateral confidence building measure aimed at easing tensions with rival India, Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari announced the launch of the “RAW Mark” as the official seal of quality and standards for consumer products across Pakistan. This has been done apparently as a sign of reciprocity towards India, which has stamped every product with an “ISI Mark” since 1987 as the gold standard in quality and authenticity.
Speaking at the launch ceremony in Islamabad’s Marriott Hotel, Zardari said, “Not just in the field of quality, this is a major strategic change in our international relations. We studied Indian strategy and felt that we must show the same level of practicality and return the favour by stamping all our products with RAW mark. Personally I think even the Marriott Hotels might have survived the attacks on them had they been ascertained for quality and stamped with the RAW mark.”
Purported to be implemented from 1st January 2010 under the aegis of the Pakistan Standards and Quality Control Authority, the RAW mark would hence be applied on every consumer good produced or imported in Pakistan. This would entail everything from soaps, pressure cookers, gas cylinders and even mineral water bottles. The products exempted include movies produced by Mahesh Bhatt and Atif Aslam’s albums if any one song features in a Bollywood movie besides those of Bhatt.
But a controversy has broken out as a section of Pakistani establishment wants weapons of mass destruction such as RDX, Grenades and AK 47’s to be stamped with RAW mark as well, so that the involvement of RAW can be proved in the regular terrorist activities inside Pakistan.
“Nobody, including our own citizens and media, believed us when we claimed that Indian ammunitions were recovered from Taliban militia, whereas Indians have been claiming ISI involvement for ages now. It’s because they stamp the ISI mark on just any about damn thing. This decision will be useless if we don’t stamp the weapons with RAW stamp.” General Zaid Hamid, an ex-army officer of Pakistani Army said.
While the Indian officials are yet to react, the group that is most upset over this suggestion is Tehreek-E-Taliban, and it has threatened to speed up the terrorist attacks inside Pakistan to one each hour if any attempt was made to take the credits away from them.
Speaking from a remote cave in Waziristan the spokesperson of Tehreek-E-Taliban said “What the fuck! It has taken us a lot of time and effort to be able to carve a niche for ourselves within the terror market. Our members have worked diligently and used their extensive networks in Afghanistan, Iran, China and Nepal to be able to secure the latest in weapons technology. We have hired the best minds from management schools across Sudan and Yemen to be able to plan and organise these attacks. And once we end up executing the attacks to a flawless perfection – the Pakistani establishment says the Indians did it! Seriously, what the fuck!”
Taliban is not taking any chances and it has announced that future cadres of suicide bombers will be equipped with the latest in the black box technology and satellite navigation equipments, so that their movements, words and actions can be tracked and produced as evidence by Taliban to counter the claims of ISI and the Pakistani government.